


Lime in the Coconut

by Misty123



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Albus Dumbledore, Evil Albus Dumbledore, F/F, F/M, Good Tobias snape, M/M, Multi, good mauraders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25147975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty123/pseuds/Misty123
Summary: Severus and Lilly make friends with the marauders during their first ride to Hogwarts.  Petunia runs away from Lilly and her parents when lilly and Severus start at Hogwarts.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Petunia Evans Dursley/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 16
Kudos: 40





	1. Making friends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trickster32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster32/gifts), [PiffyEQ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiffyEQ/gifts), [PotionsChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotionsChaos/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Plot Bunnies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9694889) by [elvirakitties](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvirakitties/pseuds/elvirakitties). 



> Will say this only once do not own the characters from Harry Potter or other stories, I am just playing with them. This story is based upon elvirakitties chapter 88 in their story Plot Bunnies. If you like Lilly Parents please do not read this story and complain

Petunia Evans looked at the home for at least the next five years, South Lodge boarding school in the home counties for disruptive girls, in fact the school and other similar ones around the country were seen to be one level below reform schools. 

The school’s intake was for vulnerable children that needed to be taken into care, but couldn’t for numerous reasons allow its pupils to be either fostered or adopted as they were to traumatised by either the abuse at the hand of their families or from living on the streets and all that encountered.

Petunia had been found prostituting herself around Manchester, after running away from her abusive parents. To Petunia obtaining money for selling her body around Manchester was far much better then coping with the abuse from her parents. Many a night both her and her younger sister had comforted each other after a day of their parents abusing them, it had been a blessing when the odd boy Severus had befriended them and taken them to his home.

Severus father Tobias had taken one look at the girls and the bruising on Lilly her sister and cane stripes upon the back of Petunia thighs, he had then gone to her parents to stop the abuse on them. The physical abuse stopped but the verbal abuse just got worst. It was laughable really that the Snape family coming from the poor and wrong end of Cokeworth town loved their only son Severus unconditionally. There was always food on the table, the rent was paid and the pride that the Snapes had in Severus and his accomplishments shone through in everything he did. 

In the upper middle class Evans home, love was conditional on the Petunia and Lilly living up to the impossible standards that their parents had. Beatings and verbal abuse was the norm for their lives until they had met Severus, with the occasional sexual abuse that their father liked when their mother was out at a social gathering. The Snapes had included the friends of Severus into their home and treated them like their own children.

It had been Severus who had suggested that Petunia write to Headmaster Dumbledore to see if she could attend Hogwarts with Lilly and Severus, but worse was the physical abuse that Lilly and Petunia received after their parents had received the letter from the headmaster outlining what the children had written. The cold and unfeeling letter that Headmaster Dumbledore sent back had made Severus angry and Lilly fearful of what would happen when she was safely at Hogwarts with Severus. It had been a tearful farewell at Kings cross station between the three friends and sisters, it was two days later when Petunia had run away to Manchester taking her chances with child prostitution and the streets rather than having to endure her father’s sexual abuse on top of the other abuse heaped upon her from her parents. The police had picked Petunia up from the Manchester streets and the social services had become involved in her life. This had led to Petunia now being standing outside a old nunnery that had been adapted to become a boarding school and her home for the next five years.

It was late in the evening when Petunia arrived, she was led into the schools dinning room where she had her first meal with the rest of her school companions. Afterwards she was briefly shown around the school and into her bedroom which she was sharing with another girl, Petunia laid down on her bed and just cried her self to sleep missing her support network of friends, siblings and her adopted family the Snapes.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two self adopted siblings sat in the railway carriage of the Hogwarts Express, the boy was reading the advanced book for the defence of the dark arts, his adopted sister Lilly was worriedly looking out the carriage window at the retreating platform of Kings Cross.

“Severus! Petunia will be okay wont she?” Lilly asked in a strangled voice “I don’t know Lilly! I hope Petunia knows to go to my parents if it gets to rough at your home……… but she might be stopped from going….since she hasn’t got our ‘accidental’ magic to aid her, and nobody will believe that the good and noble Dr Evans and his wife would even lay their hands on their children” Lilly then wrapped herself into Severus clothes crying into them and taking comfort from her ‘brother’. The carriage door burst opened and two dark haired boys barged in, with the apparent leader a messy haired boy stating “Can we sit here please, everywhere else is full “ Severus nodded yes at them, they had at least asked if they could sit in the carriage, the boy continued “I am James Potter and this is my best friend Sirius Black” Severus did a quick recon in his mind of the history lessons his mother had drummed into Lilly and himself, the two boys were from powerful wizarding families, he knew from the advice of his father that he had to tread carefully with them as to not make enemies of them this early in their Hogwarts career. 

Severus responded “I would shake hands with you both Heir Potter and Heir Black, but as you see I have my hands full with my adopted sister Lilly Evans a mundane first born witch, I am Severus Snape, my mother was Eileen Prince the squib, my father is Tobias a mundane”

Sirius blurted out “Why is your sister crying? Isn’t she exited to be going to Hogwarts!” Severus was amused to see James face palm his hand at his friends unsubtle question. Severus was also glad that the two boys had rightly come to the conclusion that severus and Lilly relationship was a sibling and not a romantic relationship.

Severus answered the question he thought diplomatically “Lilly is very happy to attend Hogwarts, but she is leaving our sister in a very difficult situation at home”, “Oh Severus! Tell the truth, my parents will make Petunia life unbearable…especially now she wont be able to escape to your parents!”

James asked Severus “But don’t mundanes love their children unconditionally, according to Dumbledore all mu…..”  
“DO NOT SPEAK REVERANTLY ABOUT THAT ARSE HOLE IN MY HEARING!” yelled Lilly, who finally entered the conversation “We asked him to help us protect Petunia….what did he do, he sent back a letter to my parents informing them that Petunia had asked to be removed from her situation, the only reason that we ate some days was because Severus parents fed us….”

“Look Heir Black!” Sirius looked at Severus and Lilly and stated for himself and James “Please call us James and Sirius” Severus nodded, reasoning that at least he had made acquaintances of the heirs of two powerful magical families and responded with “Please return the favour! Severus and Lilly at your service…..mundanes, like magical parents can abuse their children! For the supposed esteemed Headmaster Dumbledore to believe otherwise, perhaps shows that he is not totally invincible” 

Sirius looked at James and seemed to silently communicate with him about something, James nodded and then asked “What Hogwarts house do you want to be sorted into?”

Severus looked far away as he answered the question “I want to be in the same house as Lilly of course, seeing as she is my sister…..but my mother’s family has always been sorted into Slytherin and I think that Lilly will be sorted into Gryffindor. What about you two then?”

James answered for both himself and Sirius “Welllll we want to be sorted into Gryffindor house, but Severus there is no way you can be sorted in Slytherin no matter your mother’s family Hogwarts history!”

“Why ever not?” Severus asked perplexed, his mother had always been proud of her heritage and the fact all her family had been sorted into Slytherin house, Sirius came to James rescue by explaining “Severus! Sorry to break it to you….but Slytherin house under the currant head of house Slughorn is full of pompous and powerful pure blood children….they will tear you apart or at least make your life hell for the next seven years!”

“And then the rest of the school will make your life hell for being a (James embarrassingly pointed to Severus clothes) poor member of Slytherin house and Slughorn will not help you and Dumbledore and the other professors will ignore the bullying I am afraid”

“Look Severus!” Sirius interrupted “Although I want to be sorted into Gryffindor to suck it to my mother….perhaps all of us can be sorted into another house……………..a neutral house….perhaps Hufflepuff house”

“Hey that’s not a bad idea Sirius” James added, Severus looked at the two boys with a questioning raised eyebrow, James continued “Look, my parents don’t care where I am sorted as one went to Gryffindor and the other was sorted into the Snake house. Sirius can still suck it to his mother by being sorted into Hufflepuff….And you and Lilly as being a mundane witch and half blood will be excepted into the house…and best of all we can all be friends!” James finished.

After a few minutes Severus and Sirius both held their hands to James starting their friendship for ever between them. It just after that moment a sandy haired thin boy entered the carriage, smiling nervously asking the new group of friends “Hi I’m Remus Lupin is it alright if I join you, it seems that everybody else is with friends and I seem like a spare wheel at a party!” Severus just laughed good naturally and James motioned the boy into the carriage. By the end of the train ride to Hogwarts, Remus had joined and become friends with the four other first years in the carriage.


	2. Snapes family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first DADA lesion for the five friends, and truths maybe started to be revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is short, but Albus views on the friends sorting will be in the next chapter, with the origins of the DADA professor as well

“Thank Merlin Severus! We became friends with you and Lilly, our lives would have been hell otherwise with the new DADA professor Snape” Sirius commented leaving the DADA classroom after their first DADA lesson with the Ravenclaws

“Yes, why didn’t you tell us that your family are well known Assassins, and how come you didn’t go to the Assassin guild like the rest of your paternal family” James asked Severus “My father is considered the black sheep or more correctly the white sheep of the family! He never wanted to become an assassin or attend the thieves guild……..much to the family shame and embarrassment he didn’t even become a police officer…just kept to the right side of the law, except for the small matter when I was eight and befriended Lilly and Petunia, then he remembered a few of the assassin moves to scare the Evans into stopping the abuse or so he thought!....he had already taught me the moves the first day of primary school when I was bullied….I went in the next day and taught the bullies a lesson they never forgot in a hurry! don’t get me wrong he loves his family and would do anything for them….but he was always a nervous child apparently according to Great Aunt Rosemary”

“How many are in your immediate family then Sev!” asked Remus “Lets see…I have two older brothers from Da’s first marriage, and Lilly and Petunia as my adopted sisters” Severus answered

“YOU mean your father was married before!” asked a scandalous Sirius “Oh yes! Both my da and step ma who has another two boys and a girl who I consider as my siblings divorced….due to the fact that they loved each other as siblings but not as a man and wife….which was good seeing my step ma is a lesbian and had to wait until her parents died before coming out, then she married the woman of her life and they had three children through IVF” Severus finished

“Mundanes and their outdated views on homosexuality, causing trouble and heart ache for the people involved” James muttered to the group

“Oh no! my step ma is a pure blood witch who had to marry someone just to stop her family from selling her to the highest bidder! I think there was a list of the most wealthy wizarding families that her family wanted to sell in to” Sirius just nodded at Severus words and explain to James who had his mouth hanging open “James! Welcome to the real wizarding world!...most wizarding families see the bonding of their children as a basic business deal…with one side bonding a child for money or status and the other side for any number of reasons, and before you say anything! Look at my poor parents..they hate each other, despise the ground the other walks upon, but it never mattered to their parents they had to get married to ensure the Black line remained pure and untouched with other filthy blood for the last couple of centries”

“So any webbed feet, extra toes or fingers or small dicks run in your family now?” asked a serous Lilly to Sirius, Sirius looked at Lilly and replied “Not that I know of why? I mean there are more squibs who are discarded into the mundane community and the magical power that most of my family wield has declined…except for me and Regulus my younger brother, why?” 

Severus took a deep breath and informed the group of friends about the mundanes research into genes and interbreeding, he also explained why nearly all mundane societies and countries had laws prohibiting close relatives marrying each other. Lilly finished the conversation just as they reach the Transfiguration classroom with “seeing as you and Regulas have a high level of magical power to wield, it would be safe to say that Orion might not be your real father!” with that the group of friends entered the classroom of the most boring and irrelevant class that Hogwarts had to offer.  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had been a surreal experience thought Severus to be arriving for the first time at Hogwarts School by floating boats, they were only allowed to have four pupils to a boat. Remus had gallantly allowed his other friends to go in one boat. Soon they were standing outside on the pier by the school gates. The grounds keeper, the biggest and tallest man than any of the friends had seen, knocked on the old oak wooden doors. 

The doors opened to show a stern woman standing there, the two adults exchanged pleasantries, the woman turned to the group of new Hogwarts pupils and stated “Welcome to Hogwarts, in a moment you all will be sorted in to one of four houses. These are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin, while here your house will become your family at Hogwarts. Your behaviour not only reflects upon your house but will either gain or loose your house points for the house cup competition”

The woman then turned and led the pupils into the corridor and instructed them all to ensure they were ready for the public school sorting. Black who had nabbed Remus whispered to his new friends “look everybody! As agreed we will all try to be sorted into Hufflepuff….but if we cant be then we will still remain friends and as the mundane say ‘watch each other backs’” Severus looked at Sirius with a raised eyebrow, there was obviously more to the sorting of pupils then what the professor had said. He would wait to interrogate Sirius when they were all alone.

The stern looking woman came back and led them into the enormous dining hall of Hogwarts School. There was a hat upon a stool, and when all had crammed themselves into the small space left for the first years sorting the hat had started singing a insane song, which did not make sense but which everybody clapped to loudly. Then the sorting began, there was a record amount of stalling that year from the sorting hat, five in total and all were the five friends who either begged, pleaded or informed the hat of their pedigree to be sorted into their preferred house of Hufflepuff. The boys had of course snagged the first dormitory for themselves and had spent the rest of the night making friends with the other ten boys in their year.


	3. Sirius Crush or its 5.30am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has a crush on a professor and takes his group of friends along for the ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mainly a chapter about Severus and Co, and how they are settling into Hogwarts and their house

“I swear to all the Gods above James, that I will personally kill Sirius one of these mornings!” Stated a very grumpy and annoyed Severus “IT IS BLOODY 5.30AM IN THE MORNING AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY IT’S THE WEEKEND!” 

James just rolled his eyes at his friend and replied “You know Sirius has this huge crush on our deputy head of house and DADA professor (this accompanied by wheezing and heavy breathing) who happens to be your Uncle…..”

“And when your Uncle invited his ‘Badgers’ to do daily cross country runs and boot camps on the weekends, to improve our abysmal fitness.” Martin Johnson (another first year badger who was a werewolf) continued from where James had stopped 

“Sirius signed all us first year boys up, so he could spend extra time with his bloody crush” Remus stated

“And Lilly just had to sign up all the first year girls and her friends as well…because of course women can do anything a man can do better!” Bellatrix Black added to the conversation “Thank the Gods above I can see the school main doors…” James gladly whispered to his friends

The rag and tag group of friends came to a halt beside their friend Sirius who was happily talking to Professor Snape, the group of friends were just about to go into the school unobserved so they thought by their Professor, when he turned to them and stated that they had obviously ‘forgot’ the weekend bootcamps. Half an hour later the group of friend made it inside the castle and upstairs to their new dormitories, with Sirius beaming happily at the ‘extra time’ he had to chat with his crush and Severus moaning about how unfair it was that his weekend lie in to noon each Saturday and Sunday had been stopped. 

Before they all went their separate ways to get ready for breakfast Bellatrix reminded them in her sing song voice “Remember today is our house inspection day by Snape and that includes our dormitories” Everybody groaned at the reminder, having Professor Snape as the Deputy head of the house was great, but he had brought and introduced to the house a number of new rules which were posted on the house board and read as follows. 

‘Hufflepuff house traits include hard work, loyalty and integrity. As I am now the Deputy Head of house there will be a few rules to reinforce and assist all house members to fulfil their potential’

1) The Badger house always kept a united front outside the house’s door, all disagreements were to be conducted in the house

2) Weekly house and dormitory inspections 

3) No house elves were allowed in the Badger House, the house occupants had to keep the house in perfect condition

4) All course and homework had to be completed and handed in on time

5) Professor Snape would be in the house Study room between 4 and 6 each evening and Saturday morning to assist in any body having difficulties with their course work, also to randomly inspect other members course and homework to see if they needed assistance

6) Members were only allowed to work on their homework and course work between 4pm and 6pm every evening and for only two hours during the weekend (this was to ensure that house members were not swamped with work).

7) There were face to face meetings with every member of the house at least once a month with Professor Snape

8) Professor Snape would accompany any member of the house when they had to visit either the Headmaster, Deputy Headmistress or the School Matron

The Badgers had soon found that having Professor Snape as the deputy head of their house was both a blessing and a curse, he had ensured as his first job as deputy head to move the Snake and Badger house from the dungeons to the two other towers that Hogwarts had and wasn’t using. He had warded the house dormitories so that neither sex could gain entrance to other sex dormitories. He had facilitated the move of a number of first year pupils from other houses to the Badger house, this had included Bellatrix Black and Sirius cousin and Barty Crouch Junior. The pupils that had been transferred to the Badger house had been bullied in their old houses or needed the guidance of a parental figure in their lives.

It was after breakfast and the house inspection by Professor Snape, where once again Sirius and his friends room had been declared the best kept room, this was due to the fact that Sirius had ensured that the room was always kept spotlessly clean and tidy. That the group of friends were gossiping and discussing school matters, that Bellatrix asked Severus “So any idea who your uncle has to bump off then?” Severus shook his head no and replied “according to the email from da, Uncle Walter has decided to try his hand at teaching and has semi-retired”

“Has he broken the curse of the Dada position” Bellatrix asked excitedly “First thing he did apparently, he had one of his Indian friends come and break the curse” Sirius proudly answered Bellatrix about his crush “And then went and had a meeting with Dumbledore, which apparently left Dumbledore shaken and very pale when it finished “ Lilly answered. Everybody looked dumbfounded and proud at that statement of Lilly’s, after all to be able to scare witless the apparent greatest wizard since Merlin was no easy feat, and the fact that their deputy head of house had done it would give their house extra kudos with the other houses.

“What are your parents reaction Bella to you transferring to our house?” asked Lilly “Well I and my sisters are now wards of Sirius Parents! For all their faults Uncle Orion and Aunty Walburga care about all the children in our family, and they took us in when my parents disinherited me for being transferred” 

“Don’t mention my parents’ reactions please” Sirius asked and then continued “Ever since I was sorted into this house, my parents have supported and been proud of me! How I am growing up and working hard at my studies for once………mother even stated that she was glad I had been sorted into the Badger house as it had made me grow up…….erhh the shame of it” 

“What the shame of your parents being proud of you?” Severus asked and Sirius just nodded at him, it was then that another first year came up to the group and gave James a letter, which asked him to see him after the evening meal that day. The group of friends crowded around James, and when James commented that Professor Snape was away for the weekend and could not accompany him to the meeting. Severus just rolled his eyes and said that he could get his da here in time for the meeting and act as James guardian, as he did not have time to contact his parents. It was with a lighter heart that James entered the school with his friends, knowing he was not going to meet the headmaster alone that evening

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Albus Dumbledore looked down from his office onto the Hogwarts school grounds. The start of the year had not gone well, his plans had been severely curtailed by the reckless sorting of the first-year pupils into their different houses. He had several pupils that needed to be put into certain houses, he had needed James Potter and Sirius Black to be put into Gryffindor house. Of course, joining them would have been the coward werewolf Remus Lupin and his Godson Peter Pettigrew, and with the right guidance from his deputy McGonagall and other Gryffindor pupils would be moulded into what he wanted and needed. Severus Snape should have gone to Slytherin house, ensuring that he was despised inside and outside the house. Ensuring that Severus would join Voldemort’s organisation at the right time. 

He had thought that Potter being sorted into the pathetic Hufflepuff house, would have meant that he could still have the Potter and his friends following him, of course the group would now include that half-breed Snape boy! But he could have worked around that. Things had seriously gone south as the pathetic muggles animals say when the new Dada professor joined the school, the Professor had managed to break the curse on the Dada position that he had placed on it and was now the Hufflepuff house deputy head. The Professor was a lot more trouble than he was worth, not only was the idiot actually teaching the pupils the subject Dada competently. He was ensuring that a number of improvements were happening, he had the board of governors backing him. It seemed he was now trying to get his biggest supporter and confident sacked, his deputy headmistress McGonagall. Well starting form to night he would have James Potter in his hands, he would give the simpleton a drink that contained his potion to control a person totally, and then he could mould the boy to what he and the magical world needed. After all the magical world and his desires were one and the same!


End file.
